The five steps of coming to terms with one’s disability

Step 1: Realise that you’re different and actually get a diagnosis

  (Or just get a self-diagnose, both are valid, I knew that I was autistic before it was official.)

This is perhaps the easiest and most difficult step. It took me three years to realise that something was wrong* with me. It was three really bad years that I spent feeling like shit and not understanding why. When I finally realised that I was autistic it came as a relief. It wasn’t me that was wrong. I was just different and in an environment that was bad for me. It then took me a year to officially get my diagnosis, but it only took me half a year to change my environment for the better.         

Step 2: I’m autistic but I’m not autisticTM

So I realised that I was autistic, but I also realised that I was nothing like Raymond in Rain Man. Or Christopher Boone in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. Or Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory and the list goes on like that. They are all white men that is completely socially inept and don’t care about others and that, that’s not me All the autism moms and Autism Speaks doesn’t help. I was nothing like the media portrays us and I didn’t know how to deal with that.   

Step 3: Realising that you are in fact autistic and that there is nothing wrong with that, and that autisticTM  is just how the media portrays us, but still don’t talk about it.

It took me a while to realise that not just I felt like the media portrayed us wrong, and that I was in fact normal autistic. Tumblr was a great help with this, being able to connect and read about the experiences of other persons on the spectrum in an easy way, was great for me. Still, I didn’t talk with any one new about my diagnosis, I didn’t want to be associated with the media portrayal.   

Step 4: Be angry about autisticTM and decide to do something about it.

The fourth step is my favorite, it’s what made me start this blog. I don’t like that neurotypical people are the ones telling the stories of autistic people, it should be us. So I decided to do something about it and started writing.   

Step 5: Be completely confident about yourself and your diagnosis and live your best life.    

I’m not here yet, but I’m getting there. I’m happy about where I’m at, but there is always room for improvement. I still have some things to fix, and some hangups to get over, and I still don’t really speak about autism, but then again, I have never been great at sharing my personal life with anyone. Over all, I’m currently feeling great and it feels damn good.

* My mother thinks that I should changes wrong to something else, but I honestly thought that something was wrong with me, that I was sick or something like that so I will not change it.I don’t think that autism is wrong.

Why being sick sucks a lot more when you’re autistic

I just had a biology test and it didn’t go as well as I wanted, and I want to blame it all having been sick on and off for three weeks. 

Being sick isn’t good for any one, but it is extra bad if you are autistic. Being sick doesn’t just mean that I miss school, it destroys all of my routines. So beside feeling off because of having a fever I also feel off because I can’t do the things I like when I like to do them. 

For example I like sewing on Friday and Saturday nights, but when ill I can’t do that. Instead I get left with an uncomfortable feeling of incompleteness. Now take that feeling and multiply it with all the things I normally do during a day and add that to the already afulness that is having cold and you end up with what it feels like for me to be sick. 

We could also and on the stress of knowing that there is more and more schoolwork that you have to catch up on for every day that you are sick, and also knowing that you just don’t have the energy to start with it yet.

Thankfully I am now feeling a lot better, although the coughing from the bronchitis hasn’t given up. Yes, beside having a common cold I also got bronchitis, my life has been really fun the last three weeks. It was actually kind of fun the last two days when I was gone because it turns out I get really affected by coughing medicine. I have no idea what happened between 10 and 14 last Wednesday. 

The fact that I have a break next week meant that I felt comfortable writing this instead of studying, I only wish that the biology was after the break and not before it. 

Any way, there should be no reasons for me to not be posting regularly again, so my few followers, you have something to look forward to. I love being back in routine!