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The five steps of coming to terms with one’s disability

Step 1: Realise that you’re different and actually get a diagnosis

  (Or just get a self-diagnose, both are valid, I knew that I was autistic before it was official.)

This is perhaps the easiest and most difficult step. It took me three years to realise that something was wrong* with me. It was three really bad years that I spent feeling like shit and not understanding why. When I finally realised that I was autistic it came as a relief. It wasn’t me that was wrong. I was just different and in an environment that was bad for me. It then took me a year to officially get my diagnosis, but it only took me half a year to change my environment for the better.         

Step 2: I’m autistic but I’m not autisticTM

So I realised that I was autistic, but I also realised that I was nothing like Raymond in Rain Man. Or Christopher Boone in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. Or Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory and the list goes on like that. They are all white men that is completely socially inept and don’t care about others and that, that’s not me All the autism moms and Autism Speaks doesn’t help. I was nothing like the media portrays us and I didn’t know how to deal with that.   

Step 3: Realising that you are in fact autistic and that there is nothing wrong with that, and that autisticTM  is just how the media portrays us, but still don’t talk about it.

It took me a while to realise that not just I felt like the media portrayed us wrong, and that I was in fact normal autistic. Tumblr was a great help with this, being able to connect and read about the experiences of other persons on the spectrum in an easy way, was great for me. Still, I didn’t talk with any one new about my diagnosis, I didn’t want to be associated with the media portrayal.   

Step 4: Be angry about autisticTM and decide to do something about it.

The fourth step is my favorite, it’s what made me start this blog. I don’t like that neurotypical people are the ones telling the stories of autistic people, it should be us. So I decided to do something about it and started writing.   

Step 5: Be completely confident about yourself and your diagnosis and live your best life.    

I’m not here yet, but I’m getting there. I’m happy about where I’m at, but there is always room for improvement. I still have some things to fix, and some hangups to get over, and I still don’t really speak about autism, but then again, I have never been great at sharing my personal life with anyone. Over all, I’m currently feeling great and it feels damn good.

* My mother thinks that I should changes wrong to something else, but I honestly thought that something was wrong with me, that I was sick or something like that so I will not change it.I don’t think that autism is wrong.

What I did during the break; Or what happens when I have to much free time

Monday

This was a fun day, I had two goals and failed at both, but I succeeded in other ways. The first thing I did that day was grocery shopping with my father. I mostly joined in other to buy makeup remover and dry shampoo. The store had neither*. I got sad and bought apples instead, with the intent to bake an apple pie at a later.

 My other project of the day was to organize the three disorganized drawers/shelves in my closet. The drawers went fine, but then came the shelve from hell. Instead of taking it on I cleaned out and organized the hallway clothes hanger and the first wardrobe. No one had done that in ages, and I managed to fill a bag worth of clothes to get rid of. My favorite part was the mittens that fit a infant and the scarf my father had no idée he owned. Also the fact that I now have my very own drawer and don’t have to share with my brother. 

You would not believe how this place looked before I got my hands on it

Tuesday

Me, my father and my brother went to a museum. Our original plan was to go to the museum of the sea, Sjöfartsmuseet, but it turned out that they were renovating and it was closed. Then we thought,” let’s go to the city museum, Stadsmuseet. But it’s hell to park there so we ended up close to Maritiman and went there instead. In the end it was probably a good choice, I don’t think that my brother would have enjoyed Stadsmuseet. Also Maritiman is the best museum in the city, you get to climb around in an old warship and a submarine, they have other boats to but they aren’t as big or as much fun. 

Boats♥

In the afternoon I was planning to continue with the wardrobe clean-out but mom wouldn’t let me. I think that she was afraid to get more than one bag of clear out clothes to take care of. Instead I finally tackled my shelf from hell. The shelf turned out pretty well, but I now have a dress in my pants drawer because it doesn’t fit anywhere else, so I’m going to have to fix that.  

In the evening we went to the local galleria wear I finally could by dry shampoo and makeup remover. Also bought hair-ties and hair rollers. Then went home and tried to roll my hair, it did not go well so no pictures.                     

Wednesday 

I started watching Interior Design Masters on netflix while doing some studying. Then I realised that I was spending all of the daylight indoors and that was bad. So my plan was to take some outfit pictures with the family camera, only it was out of battery. So I texte dad to ask him wear the chargers was and he said that we apparently had some spare batteries upstairs. Afters some searching I finally found them and put them in, only for it to turn out that they too was out of energy. My dad no longer has responsibility over the batteries. In the end the pictures was taken and I got all the camera equipment in my room.

In the afternoon I watched the rest of Interior Design Masters, sadly my favorit did not win. I also finished the english homework that wasn’t actually necessary to finish and I still hadn’t started on school work that would have been good to do.

Thursday 

 Wrote some, and felt sorry for my shelf. Also played video games.

Friday 

Woke up late again. Then had an honest conversation with my mum about how vacation makes me a mess, apparently she had the same problem growing up. Felt quite nice to know that I wasn’t the only one. Also it solidify my plan to study during the summer, college courses hear I come. The we finally baked the apple pie, and it was delicious. Also wrote some.

Look at this beauty 

Saturday 

Made myself wake up early, no one else did. When the clock tournd 10.30 I started getting worried, but I had a cat in my lap and I want that worried. The family finally got up shortly after. Also, finished cleaning my room. Changed the sheets and it is now finally vacuumed. Normally it happens more often, but I thought that my father was going to do it way before I got sick and he just changed his mind and didn’t tell me. Who does that?? How was I supposed to now that? I didn’t realized it until it was too late and I was already sick.   

Sunday 

Drove our mini tractor in our paddock in  order to evening out, it took a long time but I got to listen to music at the same time so I was fine. Finally started studying, even though it wasn’t until the afternoon. Still, got a lot of studying done that day. Then, in the evening, I went to my grandmother and spent the night there. That meant that I could go up 45 minutes later and still be on time on Monday  

*In order to be fair to Citygross I feel like I ought to mention that they do in fact have makeup removing wipes but I was looking for the liquid kind.      

Books of October

The Falcon Throne

Karen Miller

This was not a good book. It was a lot like Game of Thrones. A lot of intrigues and back stabbing, also a lot of treating women badly. The biggest difference is that, after the mistreatment, the woman gets to tell us why the thing that just happened to her was bad. I feel like it would have been easier if they just weren’t mistreated in the first place. When writing a fantasy novel you get to choose everything in the story, there is no reason to be so misogynist. I don’t understand why Miller chose to have the age of consent for marriage at just 14 years, that is kind of pedofilic. At least, that didn’t actually happen in the story, a small blessing.  

Also, it is a bit old and boring to read about a man that feels betrayed by his family, when in reality he is just a big bigoted asshole. The family was well within right to exclude him.       

Seeker

Veronica Rossi

This one was not as funny as the first one, and that’s a shame considering the humor was the only thing that made the first book good. The reason this book wasn’t as funny as the first one, was that it was split between two point of views. We still get Gideons p o v and he is still hilarious. But we also have to read from Daryns p o v and she is just boring.

The book also suffers from having an extremely boring and slightly confusing plot. I think that the main problem is that the book feels a bit rushed, and therefore a bit unnecessary Rossi could easily had made the first book a standalone, there was no need for a lackluster sequel.

Changes

Jim Butcher 

This book gave me somewhat of an identity crisis, when I realised that I started reading this series five years ago. For some reason I kind of took a break after the last book. So it had been about a year since I last read something by Butcher, and let me tell you, I didn’t realise how much I had missed him. Harry Dresden is one of the most dramatic and sarcastic book characters ever, and it makes for an entertaining read. I was a bit unsure before starting, because of Susan Reapers. Of all the side characters she is the only one I don’t like, but it all worked out in the end. 

The endings cliffhanger didn’t surprise me, because I had accidentally spoiled it to myself ages ago. Still, it was annoying that Harry and Murphy didn’t get to hook up. I’m looking forward to see how things get resolved in the next book. This time I’m not going to wait a year to read the next book .       

From Unseen Fire

Cass Morris 

For some reason I had a real hard time getting the hang of the roman names. This made it somewhat hard to enjoy the book, but that was in no way the authors fault. She did, in fact, write a really good book. I loved how historically accurate it was, while still being a fantasy book. I have always loved a book that blends truth and mystery. I would like to know the difference in magic, does it really just depend on the god you worship, and if so, can you change the magic you practice when changing religion? Maybe that will be answered in the next book. What Morris  really excels at; is describing realistic and lively relationships, that you can’t help but love. If I read the next one it would be for the characters, not the plot.

How to look put together when sick and forced to interact with other humans. 

The most important part is to wear clothes that you find comfortable, so start with choosing a pair of nice pants. Now, I’m a bit weird, and actually likes wearing jeans even when sick and that makes looking put together much easier but it isn’t a must. 

For the top; it’s most important to stay warm and cosey. I would wear a oversized sweatshirt. To make it look more stylde, tuck a part of the shirt in the pants. Believe me it makes a lot of a difference. Also if you’re wearing a belt then it’s nice to show it of.

The best and easiest way to look styled is to match the color of your shoe to your top/jacket. I like wearing a boot with room for a big warm knitted sock, since I can’t stand the feeling of walking in knitted socks I wear a pair of regular socks underneath. 

I have the great fortune of owning a pair of matching boots and jacket, those are my go to when feeling down. The most important thing is to choose a warm and comfortable jacket.  

Another tip is to make sure to take a shower before going out, especially to wash your hair. You won’t believe how much better you will feel after showering.            

Another great part of being sick is that I showed up so sporadically that I could were the same outfit for three weeks without feeling like I was repeating outfits. 

The don’ts of dressing while sick.

Don’t try to experiment, you are sick, take it easy.

Don’t wear materials that takes energy to be compatible with. I can wear corduroy, but it takes energy that I don’t have when sick. Always choose fabrics that you can stand to 100%. 

Don’t go out if you are way to sick, like I did. Also don’t care about these advices if you don’t want to. The most important part of getting dressed when sick is to dress in a way that makes you feel better. I feel better when looking put together, so this works great for me.   

The one outfit I wore for three school-weeks, which basically was four days, not in a row.

Why being sick sucks a lot more when you’re autistic

I just had a biology test and it didn’t go as well as I wanted, and I want to blame it all having been sick on and off for three weeks. 

Being sick isn’t good for any one, but it is extra bad if you are autistic. Being sick doesn’t just mean that I miss school, it destroys all of my routines. So beside feeling off because of having a fever I also feel off because I can’t do the things I like when I like to do them. 

For example I like sewing on Friday and Saturday nights, but when ill I can’t do that. Instead I get left with an uncomfortable feeling of incompleteness. Now take that feeling and multiply it with all the things I normally do during a day and add that to the already afulness that is having cold and you end up with what it feels like for me to be sick. 

We could also and on the stress of knowing that there is more and more schoolwork that you have to catch up on for every day that you are sick, and also knowing that you just don’t have the energy to start with it yet.

Thankfully I am now feeling a lot better, although the coughing from the bronchitis hasn’t given up. Yes, beside having a common cold I also got bronchitis, my life has been really fun the last three weeks. It was actually kind of fun the last two days when I was gone because it turns out I get really affected by coughing medicine. I have no idea what happened between 10 and 14 last Wednesday. 

The fact that I have a break next week meant that I felt comfortable writing this instead of studying, I only wish that the biology was after the break and not before it. 

Any way, there should be no reasons for me to not be posting regularly again, so my few followers, you have something to look forward to. I love being back in routine!

Books of September

Reviews of all the books I read in September because I love reading and talking about literature.

Of Mice and Men 

John Steinbeck 

This was a required reading from school so I was a bit sceptical from the beginning, but wow, I was pleasantly surprised. I have only read a few books before, that are as beautifully thought out as this one. It’s most definitely worthy of its status as a classic and I recommend that everyone reads it. The fact that the book is short is both a positive and a negative thing. I would have liked to get to know the carathers a bit more. Knowing the name of Curley’s wife would have been nice, she does, after all, play a big role in the book. On the other hand, I feel like the simplicity of the book is one of the things that really makes it great. Steinbeck only put things that mattered in the book, which means that one really has to pay attention to everything in it, if one wants to get all the foreshadowing. I’m looking forward to re-reading this book in the future and see if I can spot any more foreshadowing.

The City Of Brass 

S.A Chakraborty

I picked up this book mostly because it said on the back that it was set in Cairo and I love Cairo. In that aspect I was kind of disappointed, they leave Cairo after approximately 60 pages, though I was pleasantly surprised in many other aspects. Most of the book unfolds as a classic fantasy story. A very well written one, but still kind of classic. It’s first at the end of the book, that Chakraborty really shines as an author. The way everything goes to hell truly builds up the excitement and the many plottvists in the end left me wanting to have the next book now! I love how all of the characters are so well described and complex. It was also nice and refreshing to read a book with Islam as its main religion. Over all, the book is a wonderful first and I can’t wait to read the next in the series.   

Riders 

Veronica Rossi

This book was amusing from start to end, something that came as a pleasant surprise. Rossi’s biggest accomplishment with this book is the way the story is told and the fact that she manages to keep it interesting even after she told the ending half way through the book. The main character, Gideon, tells the story of how he and his fellow horsemen of the apocalypse ended up captured by the American military. Like I said, halfway through he tells the ending to that particular story, but Rossi throws in a new plot element that makes one want to keep going. I loved the way that she wrote, it was a lot of fun surprises.

Conversion

Katherine Howe

I can’t decide if the ending was brilliant or frustrating and that is the beauty of this book. I loved how relatable the girls in this book were. I, a high school girl, could relate to how all the girls in this high school behaved. I, myself, have also felt that anxiety over schoolwork and the annoyance of grownups not listening to us. Beside all of the teenage relatability, it was interesting to read two stories intrewinde. I was a bit surprised that the stories didn’t connect more in the end. I thought that the spirits from the past, was back hunting the present. That’s not at all what happened. Like I said in the beginning, I can’t decide if the ending was good or not. It was kind of an open ending, there was a minor affirmation on a supranational element, but it was all just swept under the carpet and the troubles was explained as a stress related disease. Somewhat frustrating, but the way it would have ended had the story been real.

Ulysses 

James Joyce

I read this book on a dare, a family friend that has known me forever said that even I, who read adult novels at 11 years and so far only quit reading one book, was going to fail in reading this. I, of course, had to prove him wrong. Hadn’t it been for the sheer sprite of it I would have given up. This book is that annoying. I can understand that the way Joyce writes is fascinating, and some parts of it, I even enjoyed, but most of all the book is so complex that it’s boring. I read a guide before starting that said that it was supposed to be funny, not true. Also you aren’t supposed to have to read a guide before starting a book, that is some sort of elitist shit. I feel like this book is considered a classic mostly to make normal people excluded from the academic literature discussion. Literatur, even the “classics” should be for everyone.  

Guide To Second-Hand Stores in Central Gothenburg

I love thrifting, it’s the best way to buy clothes, both for the environment and for the wallet. But it can be a bit difficult to start; which stores are the best ones?, and where do you find them? This list will hopefully answer those questions and make it easier to start. I have compiled a list and reviewed the second hand stores in central Gothenburg. After reading this you will have no excuse not to start thrifting.        

Myrorna

Järntorgsgatan 10 

This is a great store for both newbies and more experienced thrifters and it’s big enough to fit all. It’s four floors, the first mostly have things, such as plates, glasses etc. The rest of them have clothes, and much of it. It’s all very well organized, more so than many retail stores. If you want jeans you go to the jeans corner, if you want blouses you go to the blouses corner. There is even a space for more, like designer brands. They are that well organized! On the top floor they have vintage clothes and it’s sorted by decade.  Although their shoes are spread out through the whole store, so if shoes is what you’re looking for, then you may have to do some hunting!

The store is big enough for a wheelchair or a stroller and they have an elevator to take you between floors.  

Myrorna Olskroken

Redbergsvägen 11A

This is the same brand as the store in the section above and they have the same manner of sorting and assortment, only in a smaller scale. This one is a floor and a half, there is a ramp and stairs in order to get to the top part where most of the clothes are, it’s also where the books are. There is probably a ramp or some way to get help to get inside the shop, there are two steps, but I’m too socially awkward to ask. Like the previous store the clothes is well sorted and easy to find.     

Alos I forgot to mention it above, if you are a student and registered to Mecenat or Studentkortet then you can get a discount. I think it’s 10% of the entire purchase, but you should probably double check.    

Djurens samarittjänst

Frigångsgatan 2 

This store is very small and there are a few steps to enter, it’s not very well suited for a wheelchair. The store is so small that the fitting room is just a curtain in a corner. It’s run entirely by volunteers and all the money they earn goes to rescued cats.

Despite the small size they have some great clothes, you can tell that the people that donates believes in the cause. All the clothes are clean and in good condition. Also they have great prices, I found a pair of Levis for 40 kr, that’s like 4 dollars, pounds, euros.

Ebbes Hörna 

Amerikagatan 4

There are multiple Ebbes Hörna in Gothenburg, none are any exciting. That said, they aren’t bad, they just aren’t anything special. In order to enter this one you have to pass one step, if you want to reach the ceramics or the books you have to get down more stairs and there is no elevator. 

They do have a lot of clothes and some shoes, so one could definitely find something of interest. This just isn’t my favorite. If it means anything, my mother thinks it is a nice and clean store.

Röda Korset, or Red Cross

Första Långgatan 28C

I had never actually been to this one before deciding to write this article, but it was really nice. I told myself not to shop when gathering research, this store made me break that rule. There is just one floor and I’m pretty sure that they had a ramp to the entry. It’s very spacious and they have a lot of clothes. It is well sorted, it’s easy to find both dresses and big sizes. According to my mother, the store doesn’t smell funky either. This is definitely a store I will return to. 

Saronkyrkans Second Hand 

Brunnsgatan 5

Look at the pants!

They have really odd opening hours, I mean it, it’s strange. But that is also like the only bad thing about the store. It isn’t on the ground floor, but there is an elevator that customers can use. Inside they have a mix of clothes, furniture, books and miscellaneous. The clothes are well organized, so well that they print the size on the price tag. There is also a café and a toilet in the store, so there is no reason to leave early.

Emmaus Björkå, or Björkåfrihet.

Linnégatan 9

The badger isn’t for sale

I loved this store, they have a lot of clothes that isn’t the best organized. But their shoe range more than make up for it, especially if you love shoes as much as I do. The floor planning is a bit weird. The first time I visited the store, I missed a big part of the it, it is therefore not that well photographed. Also the store is a few steps down, but you can get help to get in. I don’t know how good it would work with a wheelchair inside, it’s pretty narrow. They also have a store in a different part of the city that is much bigger, be sure to check it out.