My saddest birthday

I think it was around two years ago, that I realised that my eighteenth birthday was going to be on Easter Saturday. It was great news, last time my birthday really was during Easter was when I was very young but I remember it fondly. Easter has been my favourite holiday for a long time, partly because it often correlates with my birthday, meaning no school. But also because I see it as a great sign of spring and I love spring. So, I made a lot of vague plans of what I would do during the celebrations. My grandmother and Lars would be coming. Hopefully my uncle would show up and I would even invite my best friend to the party. 

Since it was Easter we would eat traditional Easter things, aka what Swedes eat for every holiday: herring, potatoes and some kind of holiday target drink. Also, lots of holiday teamed candies. Given that it was my eighteenth birthday and I would legally become an adult we would also have some champagne-like drink to celebrate and I would demande to drink some snaps just because I could. 

When I started school the plans evolved, I now also had to consider the fact that one of my friends really likes to celebrate birthday by singing. She would most likely make the class sing for me and I would have to suffer thru the embarrassment, I´m not a fan of attention. At a later time I would host a small get together, and my singing friend would finally get to taste good pesto. 

During summer I would force my best friend to celebrate midsummer with me, that would have included getting drunk. I was also looking forward to being able to finally go to all the concerts I wanted. Although, I would have to get some new friends for that, all of mine have different (bad) taste in music. 

Sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan, but in no way could I ever had predicted that it would go so bad. A lot of things still happen as I had planned, most notably: it was still Easter.

 Quite early, I came to the realisation that my grandmother (and Lars) would not be able to attend, still, it hurt a lot. In order to make up for it, my best friend was invited to spend the night and be with me for the entire day. I got a champagne like beverage when waking up, it tasted bad, and nice gifts. Then we had eggs and egg painting for breakfast. My grandmother and Lars even showed up and gave me gifts. Except that they could not enter and I did not get to hug her. Still, it was a really lovely surprise. 

The closest we will ever get to a family portrait

We then had some herring for lunch, something my friend did not really like, and I drank snaps. It tastes exactly like my cough medicine from last fall, except it burned to drink. After lunch we had a traditional Easter egg hunt. It was a lot more fun than usually, because my horse got frightened and then my friend got frightened and briskly walked away, but then my horse got even more frightened and ran after my friend. She then retreated to higher ground where the horse could not follow.     

My singing friend called and when I answered she immediately started singing, it was really nice. She is the best singer that I know. We talked for close to an hour, but it doesn’t make the separation easier. 

For dinner we had more fish based food, but this time my best friend actually liked it. Few things taste as nice as my mothers’ salmon pie. And then it was cake time. The best time, I love cake. The only silver lining of this whole disaster is that in total I will get four birthday cakes: there will of course be a celebration with my grandmother and Lars when it is safe to invite them and my best friend always makes me a completely homemade cake. While cake-eating, me and my friend recalled memories about our past and laughed a lot. Afterwards she had to go home and I was left alone feeling melancholy and drained from all the social interactions. I went to bed early.

The day after I intended to spend bedridden or in front of a computer, instead I experienced my first ever surprise party. I pulled myself together, applied deodorant and really enjoyed it. I even got more cake. It was family friends that wanted to celebrate and had made plans with my parents to surprise me. Having people being that considerate of you, even though they aren’t related means a lot. It was perhaps the best birthday present of all.

On this surprise cake I was suddenly 118 years old, or is it an inverted J?
This is the fourth birthday cake for those of  you who are counting.

Except for when they left and I resumed with my gloominess. When me and  my best friend were planning the sleepover, I told her that I would try and plan my grief crying so it would happen before her arrival, I was only somewhat joking. Surprisingly I have not yet had a proper crying, My eyes have been tearing up while writing this but that doesn’t count. So I shall channel weeks of uncertainty and days of disappointment and have a really chartartic crying after finishing writing this. 

Happy Birthday to Me!   

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